Jane's next contribution while I was swimming the Channel:

"Oh Bugger"

Oh bless, oh bother, the tide’s not good

The timings all buggered,

And the Channel’s aflood

Oh don’t ye despair, the deed’s not dead

The tides might be buggered

But Steve’s still ahead

He lashed and he laboured and kept to his stroke

He’s totally buggered

But he’s fair game, that bloke

He fought and he paddled, he swam and he battled

Many others were buggered

But Steve never got rattled

He triumphed on French shores as he climbed onto the land

Battered and buggered

But you’ve got to give him a hand

He never wavered,

Or Quavered,

Or Quibbled

Or Moaned

He probably

Dribbled

And wobbled

And his whole body groaned

BUT

Bugger the tides

And Bugger the rough

Steve Haywood’s the man

Oh bugger … he’s tough!

Jane Pallister 2007